I have had many women, especially those from Facebook, who participate in the AMWF community scene there, ask me for advice on their LDR, because mine has gone so well... We got married, after all.
The main complaints I hear from these women are that the men do not put time and effort into the relationship. The man gradually looses interest, doesn't call or text or Skype as much as in the beginning. The same old story. The other thing I hear is about the fear of his cheating on them, because they aren't able to have a normal sex life. Some also complain about excessive porn consumption as a substitute for actual sex, making the women feel like she isn't necessary, or the relationship isn't enough for him... Some men, to the point it causes sexual dysfunction when they are together.
Let's go one step at a time... This may take several blog posts, but I will try to cover the first two items on the list in THIS post.
1) Relationships, especially LDRs take work!
2) Do not start out with sending nude photos
3) Communication is key!
4) Trust is paramount!
5) Integrating your LDR into your daily life
6) Dealing with friends and family who don't take your relationship seriously
7) Have a sex life, even in an LDR!
8) Have an end in sight.
9) An LDR cannot stay an LDR forever... Moving in together and adjusting.
The first thing I want to say is that I have not had the experience of a man who isn't putting in the work, or looses interest over time. Garland always put in a ton of time and effort, and I never had to worry about him loosing interest in our relationship.
Sure, when the newness wore off, the relationship settled into a routine and all that new-relationship passion wasn't there anymore... But, that is normal as your relationship transitions through the phases that all relationships go through. We talked about it, acknowledged it, and found ways to keep things fresh, and our interest in each other, and the sexual passion going.
To the outside, I'm sure our relationship seems idyllic and perfect, and I've known many who have said they aspire to have what Garland and I do with each other, with someone else.
Well, our relationship, like every relationship, is not perfect. We fight, disagree, hurt each other... The difference between our relationship and those that fail is simple: Commitment. We are both committed to making this work, and being with each other for the rest of our lives.
Happy relationships do not happen by accident or luck. They take a ton of work, a lot of time, ample and equal effort from both sides, lots of patience, and above all else, an almost endless supply of love.
If you are trying to have an LDR with someone who is not willing to put in the work it takes, then there is nothing you can really do. There is no way to force a person to want to spend time with you.
Many women also get into LDRs and make the mistake of moving too fast, especially when it comes to sending nude photos. They believe that you start with nude photos in order to get the guy to be interested in you, and then it will, from there, turn into a relationship.
That is exactly backward to how it is supposed to be.
Garland and I spoke for months before he ever saw me even partially naked, in any way.
Ladies, please STOP giving yourself away so cheaply. If you actually enjoy sending and taking nudes, then that's fine... But if what you love is the attention, or you have the belief that men will love you because you send nude photos... Please know that that is not true. Men will not fall in love with you based on your willingness to send nudes.
If he's asking for this kind of thing before being offered, or right after meeting you, then chances are very good he's not serious about you and instead, just looking for a cheap... well, free, actually, thrill.
Now, later on in the relationship, maintaining a sex-life is extremely important... But when you first meet him, don't give yourself away so quickly. You wouldn't sleep with a man on the first date, would you? This is the online equivalent.
Any man who would get mad at you, or guilt you, or threaten to leave you, because you didn't send him nude photos, is not the LDR you want.
The man who texts you every day, spends hours with you on skype, who talks about you to his friends and family, and who saves up money to come and see you... That is the man you want.
Don't sell yourself short, and don't try to force anything that isn't working. If he's serious about you, he will put in the time, effort, and commit the financial resources necessary to see you in person.
If he doesn't do those things, rest assured, he's just looking for some free nudes and a way to kill time between "real" relationships.