Wednesday, October 28, 2015

And on the opposite side of the coin... The -boos.

There is a certain subset of white girls (I say 'girls' because they are usually very young) who develop an obsession with Japanese, or Korean (or both) culture (s).   More rarely, there are white people who develop an obsession with other Asian cultures as well.

These are the girls who are extremely excited by any and all things Asian, and they tend to think Korean/Japanese/Other Asian culture is inherently 'better' than Western Culture.

They tend to listen to a lot of music in languages they don't understand, and talk incessantly about their plans to move an Asian country.

In its worst form, these girls sometimes dye their hair black, and wear heavily winged eyeliner in an attempt to look more Asian... They can even falsely claim some level of Asian heritage.

These women also have the unfortunate tendency to fetishize not only Asian culture, but also the men of that culture.   They will openly admit that their main goal in life is to date or marry an Asian man.

For many of them, a western-born Asian man (like my husband) is simply not 'Asian enough'.  They want the freshest off the boat, or better yet, an Asian man living in East Asia.  He should be a walking stereotype, in order to please them and their desire for the 'exotic'.  He should eat every meal with chopsticks, take off his shoes upon entering his home, have a Buddhist shrine there, speak an Asian language fluently, perhaps know a martial art, etc., etc., etc.,

They do not look at Asian men as people, but more like purebred dogs to show off to their friends or family.  Their boyfriend is not an individual, but an avatar of his 'culture'.   They want something they see as 'rare' or 'exotic'.

I am not exaggerating, by the way.  I have seem comments on forums from women talking about their boyfriend by saying things like, "I love being stared at, and seeing people's eyes bug out of their heads.  I love the attention of having something rare."   Note that this woman referred to her boyfriend as not someone, but instead something.

These women and their mindset of treating Asian men as if they are rare Pokemon to be collected are, quite frankly, disgusting.   Just as I am not a white trophy wife for my husband, neither is he My Asian Husband(tm).

These are the women who ask me how I managed to get an Asian husband...  Well, the truth is, I was dumped into a group on Facebook for Asian men and White females (AMWF), and he initiated contact with me.  We hit it off, and the rest is history.  I did not go into said group with the idea of dating, let alone marrying any of the men.  I was just hanging out and chatting and having fun socially interacting.

Garland is so much more than his parent's country of origin, his skin tone, his hair color and texture, or the shape of his eyes.  Yes, he is physically appealing to me...  I have a very specific type of man that I am attracted to, and this includes brown hair and eyes, tanned skin, slender body, etc.,   However, there are other men who are not Asian who fit this description that I am attracted to just as much.  Ezra Miller, (the title character in the movie 'We need to talk about Kevin'), for instance.

When I come across these women, all I can think is... I really hope that people do not see me that way?   (I'm sure white men in relationships with Asian women often have the same fear... that they will be viewed as yellow fever fetishists.)

There is no real way to disprove this assumption.  It's a case where the more you deny it, the more it seems as though you probably do have a 'yellow fever' fetish.  There is no good way to answer the accusation.

The only solace I can take is that the person who loves me knows better.

He had his first run in with one of these girls last year, while taking a Greyhound from Detroit to Toronto.  The bus was nearly empty, and yet, a young girl in her early 20s sat down directly next to him, and proceeded to pull out her phone, taking selfie after selfie with her fingers in a 'V' shape, and quite obviously trying to get him to notice the anime background on her phone.   He spent almost the entire 4 hour trip on the phone with me, making it extremely obvious he was talking to his significant other, to ward off any potential of having this girl actually try to speak to him.

I generally know more about Asian culture and language than the average white person, and that was true long before dating and marrying Garland.  I have had Asian friends for years, all growing up, and in particular Japanese, Chinese, and one Vietnamese friend.   I speak and read fluent Japanese, as well as having spent a significant portion of my life in Japan.   That said, and in fact, because of such experiences, I am acutely aware of the fact that I am not and never will be Asian... However, I also have no desire to be Asian.  I am comfortable in my own pale skin.

I can only hope that the weeaboos/koreaboos/chiaboos out there will someday feel the same comfort with their own ethnicity and cultural background.

In the end, the truth is, that Asian men and women, no matter FOB (Fresh off the Boat), Eastern-Born, Western-Born, or currently living in East Asia, are all just people.  Just like Westerners. They have no magic,  they aren't any more 'special' and there is no reason to either put them down or raise them up on a pedestal.   We are all just people, living our lives as best we can.


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