Racism within an interracial relationship

There are some people out there, who assume that just because you are dating or married to a person of an ethnic minority, this makes it impossible for you to be racist against either that minority, or even toward your significant other.

This is simply not true.

I've been asked a few times if my husband views me as his 'white trophy wife' and I can honestly say 'No, he doesn't.'.

However, I have seen posts from Asian men claiming that being with a white woman makes them feel 'empowered', and they use dating white women as a sort of revenge against white men they feel have emasculated them, personally and as a culture.

I have seen white women who treat their significant other as a prize to be shown off, usually at anime conventions or to the K-pop community.   Dating this Asian significant other affords them a sort of 'status' within that community.  You see them posting on message boards, setting themselves up as 'experts' on Korean culture, and saying things like, 'Well, my KOREAN boyfriend told me that...'

There are even some Asian men who specifically target girls who are K-pop or Anime fans, because they know these girls will likely date them, no matter what.

Within my own relationship, we are both extremely comfortable with each other.  We are not in the habit of denying each other's race, and neither is immune from making good-natured jokes about the other.  

My husband will often refer to himself as 'Yellow'.  I admit that sometimes, I joke with him and also say things like, 'Bae, you're so yellow!' (For instance, in reference to the fact he had never had a grilled cheese sandwich before.)

There are however, lines.  Lines which are not crossed.  I do not call him racial slurs, such as 'gook' or 'chink'.   Meanwhile, I have a black aunt (married to my white uncle) who has been known to refer to her children as 'nigglets'.   I would not repeat such words in regards to someone's children, ever...  But, I also don't tell her that she shouldn't say that.  It is her business.

The most important thing, when you are in a relationship with anyone is to make sure that what you are doing does not make that person uncomfortable.  If you are unsure, ask!!!  Different people will all have different sensitivity levels, and they are entitled to that.  They are not 'overly sensitive' if they ask you to stop saying something.  If they are offended, try asking them why and maybe learn a bit about that person.

If you truly care about them, it is worth it.  If you truly love them, you will take their feelings into consideration.