So your husband is... Asian?

I can't count the number of times that I've heard that question, with shock or derision in the tone of the person asking it.

I am legitimately confused as to why this is such an... issue... for people, but it seems that it is, in fact, something they can't help but be, at the very least, surprised by.

Yes, my husband comes from a mixed Cantonese and Vietnamese background.  His last name is Viet, but his second language is Cantonese.

This is an extremely common mix, in a small part of the world.  I've met 4 others with his racial and ethnic heritage, outside of his family of course, and yet... to most Americans he is simply an 'other'.

And, to many of them, he has no 'right' to be with me... a white woman.

I've had countless internet trolls on places like Youtube, who have made comments when they see my user picture (a picture of us), saying such things as 'I don't know what you're doing with that loser' or making (inaccurate, for the record) assumptions about his penis size.

I have no idea where the idea that Asian men in particular are "less than" white men came from, but it is pervasive... and disheartening.

Being in an interracial couple doesn't cross my mind when I'm alone with my husband.  When we're cooking together (both Western and Asian food), or when we're snuggling up in bed watching something on Netflix, his race or mine doesn't even occur to me.

It only ever crosses my mind when others point it out to me, or when we're in public and I'm acutely aware of being stared at... both Asians and white people do this, with about the same frequency.

When we go to the Asian market and the woman behind the register can't help but stare, seemingly with amusement, and also yet, a strange sort of pride by-proxy.  "Your boyfriend is Chinese? That's soooo good!" she said to me, in heavily accented English, the first time she got me alone.  She was not disapproving, but rather, almost elated for him.   As though he had scored a trophy and now all Chinese could take pride in his accomplishment.

My husband does not view me as a trophy.

Still later, at another store, three Asian men came around the corner of the aisle and all three stopped and did a double take when they saw his hand skirt down my lower back, making it clear we were on intimate terms and not merely platonic friends.   One of them craned his head backward almost all the way down the aisle watching us, and he too, looked like he wanted to give my husband a high-five and ask him what his secret was?

How did he do the seemingly impossible for an Asian man... Score a white wife?

It is, on some level, dehumanizing for me, to be seen as a trophy... But more than that, it makes me angry on his behalf.   Why should it be such an accomplishment for him to date a white woman? Why do they assume he's punching above  his weight-class, when he's with me?  And it's not that I'm some exceptional beauty either... It is solely because I'm white.

He is, without a doubt, the most wonderful man I have ever been with.   He is intelligent and practical, without being cold.  He is understanding and patient with my own shortcomings.  He strives for nothing more than to see me happy, and take care of me... and he is incredibly self-flagellating when he feels he's come up short.

He has a great love for learning and an equally good sense of humor. Both important traits if you're going to be with someone like me.

I honesty couldn't ask for more in a partner.

I really wish that more people could stop seeing us as 'That Asian guy who scored a white girl' and just see us as a happily married couple.

In order for that to happen, I started this blog, hoping that if people see us just that - PEOPLE - it will help them overcome their preconceived ideas about him, and about me, and see us as just a normal couple.

We aren't colorblind. We know we are different races, with different cultural backgrounds... Those things do play a part in our relationship; but, it's the smallest part.  The largest part is just the two of us, who love each other, for the people we are, not the countries our ancestors hail from.